Have you ever felt so in Love that you couldn't stop thinking about the person? It kinda sucks sometimes.

I slaved away through high school maintaining a 4.0 average while working a solid 35 to 40 hours a week, every week. I was in the marching, concert, and jazz bands. I drove my sisters to the places they "needed" to go. I was heavily involved with my local 4H working at the camps and shooting competitions along with our annual county fair, helping to set up the stables so as to manage the cattle, sheep, pigs, and horses.

I share this with you so you understand what I did so that when you read whats coming up you don't sit there and say man up and quit sitting on your ass doing nothing about fixing whats bothering you.

Every time I was asked to hang out I would hang out as much as I could. But it was never enough. Several times I was invited to hangout with my best friend, who I happen to be in love with going on 8 years now. Unfortunately I never got to spend anywhere near enough time with her outside of school. Between her working, me working, school, and my sisters random shenanigans I missed out on something I would have gladly killed to have. I love her more then I ever thought possible.

I tried to move on, dating a few girls here and there. I grew up real fast when my girlfriend/fiancée of 2 1/2 years broke up with me, only for me to find out about a month later she had been cheating on me for about a month before the end of our relationship. That hurt more then the breaking up itself. I felt worthless, a complete and total fool for having trusted the whore.

I stayed single for a while, and then took up with another girl, but that lasted about 3 weeks. She was a complete psycho, in every sense of the word. After a week I was being told that she loved me and wanted to get married. We had known each other for about 2 months at this point.

However, throughout all of this I never forgot my best friend. The girl I loved the most, the longest, and the love that stabbed the worst of the barbs into my heart.

Iver never forgotten how amazing she made me feel. Every time she walked into the room and saw me she had the most amazing smile that jumped up and lit up the room. She was incredably funny, and amazingly beautiful. She was the best of any of us with none of the worst. And I miss her everyday.

But I think about her at least 5,000 times a day. Thats a minimum number I think. And it's nothing stalker-ish, I honestly don't know what it is. I have tried, many times, to move on and forget those feelings I have for her. But every time I meet a new person who I have an interest in dating she gets compared to my friend. And somehow they always fall obscenely short of her. All I want is to be over her. We talk a fair amount considering we're separated by about 1,000 miles, literally.

If any of you have ever heard that Vanessa Carlton song "A Thousand Miles" then you know exactly how I feel. I would gladly walk it to see her smile. I don't know if that makes me sad or a stalker or just a psycho who can't grow up and move on, but there it is, a little piece of me shared with the world.

Howdy, and goodnight.